As I sat on the edge of my bed and observed this new human accept it's place in our history, I began to sob.
The sob turned to a cry and the cry to a wail.
I was immediately pulled to so many different places in my recent and not so recent memory. The weight of lives gained and lost came crashing down on me as my soul opened up in its rawest possible form.
3 things played on my mind in this moment.
The birth of a new baby boy.
The tragic loss of a friend of a friend.
The memory of losing one of my best mates in early 2021.
While I continued staring at the photos and videos of this tiny child I was reminded of so much good.
You see the kid belongs to my best mate Eamon. Best friends since high school, we have encountered and endured so many twists, turns and sub-plots together.
At various points in the last 10 years our lives individually had been heading toward disastrous finales.
Thankfully we are both in great places now, being true to ourselves and living harmoniously.
I was full of gratitude to see my friend beginning his new family. He deserved it. He had earned the love, security and adoration of a wife that cares about him and a child that will inevitably look up to him.
He now had what he has always wanted and I am so happy for him.
As I began to cry tears of joy, a second thought entered my line of sight.
A very young man and the friend of a friend had tragically and suddenly lost his life only days prior and I couldn't help but feel for his soul, his parents and his best friend.
Even though I had never met this person, it felt very real. I was sad for them.
Sadness combined with gratitude to have Eamon here with me having his first child.
The window to my soul had opened and the connection to these threads begun pouring in.
While shining the light into this corner of my subconscious, another memory appeared - my best buddy Tim.
Timothy Larin (aka Thomas to me) passed away on 8/2/2021.
He was like an older brother to Eamon and I. The cool older guy that showed us the ropes. Showed us how to get into trouble (and how to get out of it).
He was a mentor. A best friend. A role model. Our fan. Our brother.
I think about him everyday.
He would be so proud of Eamon and his achievement.
Feeling all of the love, sadness, grief, joy, regret, adulation and gratitude that I felt in such a short space of time was a lot - but I am grateful for it. This is life.
The unavoidable circle of life and death had been poetically laid out to me in plain sight.
I cried, a lot.
I let it all out. Everything that I was feeling, released in that moment.
All I could do is sit back and smile at the end of it.
Once the snot and tears had been wiped away, what remained was a sense of appreciation.
Everything that is here is perfect (not actually perfect, but in a sense is because there's no alternative version of now).
Celebrate the good things.
Accept the not so good things.
Meditate on and see the beauty in all things.
This life is dynamic, difficult, challenging, rewarding, painful and beautiful.
Thank you all for reading this.
Thank you all for being here.
With gratitude,
SAV 🙏
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